CRIMINAL DARWIN AWARDS..........

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there
was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone
and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper
and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
arrested.

   _____

A true story out of San Francisco:


A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest
light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo
teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
    _____

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.


Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money
for the fine.

    _____

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge"
in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said
Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered
a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five
minute recess to compose himself.

    _____


Detroit:


R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighbourhood.  When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked
him for identification.


Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the
computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on
the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in
St. Louis, Missouri.






Colorado Springs:


A Guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded
all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash

in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he
refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him.


At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the
man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
license.  They arrested the robber two hours later.





Another from Detroit:


A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.






Cigars and Insurance


A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a
month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having
made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim
against the insurance  company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars
were lost "in a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to
pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in
the normal fashion.


The man sued.... and won.


In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was
frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the
company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and
also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what
it considered to be "unacceptable fire", and was obligated to pay the
claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the
insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the
rare cigars he lost in "the fires".


After the man cashed the check, however, the insurance company had
him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to
24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.



Florida............


A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying
a gun.


Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS,
THIS IS A F---- UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the
snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over
laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw
his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The
thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank
later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this
is a f---- up!"