DARWIN AWARDS 1998

1998 Darwin Awards

Los Angeles, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees
nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A
pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half
stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from
inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The
concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously
lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki need stitches, the brothers headed out
to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung
three times by the surviving bees.

Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of
suffocation enroute to the hospital.

Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with
third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E.
Richards.
According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put
a semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional revolver) to Ken's
head and fired.
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Phillipsburg, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male choked to death on a
sequinned pastie he had orally removed from an exotic dancer at a local
establishment. "I didn't think he was going to eat it," the dancer
identified only as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk."
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In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta,27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
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RENTON, Washington, USA-On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man
tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by
the fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his
terminally stupid choices as listed below:

1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial portion of
the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places;
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car
parked at the front door;
4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee
before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup andfired a
few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing
him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but
didn't fire. No one else was hurt.
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MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security guard asked a colleague at the Moscow bank
they were guarding to stab his bullet-proof vest to see if it would
protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and

the 25-year-old guard died of a
heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the
Darwin Awards.)

1998 DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS (i.e. Non-fatalities)
Gulf Breeze, Florida, three unidentified teenage males were using a home
video camera to film an action/adventure "movie" one of the boys had
written. In a scene that called for one character to be ignited by fire,
the "special effects coordinator," age 15, prepared the "stunt" youth by
dousing lighter fluid onto his clothes. The intentional fire, which proved
unexpectedly difficult to extinguish, left the young man with third degree
burns on his left arm, torso, and both legs. And now for something
entirely different, it was all captured on film ! Only in America !
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In Bradford, PA, J. Cruwe, 28, caught a small snake in a container which
he handed to his wife. She opened the container and, startled to see the
snake, dropped it. The excited and, as it turns out, poisonous, snake immediately
bit Mr. Cruwe on the shin. Mr Cruwe survived the wound and recovered after
a short visit to the local emergency room.
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In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and
discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving
Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a racoon that was wandering by, but the
beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the
group fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some
100 feet away from Mr. Michaels' deck.

Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of
gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After
several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the
entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no
avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels
proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15feet down the sloping pipe
to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr.
Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed.

He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine,"
according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched
directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto
his front lawn. In all, he travelled over 200 feet through the air. "There was
a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us,"McFadden reported,
"Followed by a loud thud.". Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries.
"It was actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone
out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt."