Already, the first candidate for the 1999 Darwin Awards is circulating
on the Net. The Darwin Awards are annually bestowed upon the remains
of individuals who have given their all in an effort to improve our
gene pool. The Darwin Awards applaud those who have made the ultimate
sacrifice of killing themselves by the most extraordinarily stupid
means. The Awards commemorate those who find innovatively moronic
ways of killing themselves, thereby helping to eliminate undesirable
weaknesses from the human gene pool. And so, without further ado, the
first candidate for '99:

MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT
 
Charlottesville, VA (Nov. 13) -- A 39-year-old Charlottesville man
died Thursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.
According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing
laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently
tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing machine by
climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the clothing
into the basin. Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the
washing machine's ON button. When the machine turned on, Strickson lost his
balance and both feet went down into the machine, where they

got stuck.
The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free
himself, started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into
gear.

Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room,
knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face,
blinding him. Forensic reports say Strickson apparently also swallowed
some of the bleach. He then vomited, but was still unable to free
himself. Then Strickson's dog apparently came into the laundry room. At
about the same time, according to police, a large box of baking soda
fell  from the shelf, startling the dog, who then urinated. Urine, like
vinegar, is acidic, and the chemical reaction between the urine and
the baking soda resulted in "a small explosion," according to police
reports. The dog, however, escaped unharmed. Strickson remained stuck
in the washing machine, which eventually went into its high-speed spin
cycle, spinning Strickson around at about 70 miles per hour, according
to forensic experts. Strickson's head was smashed against a steel
beam behind the washing machine, immediately killing him. A neighbor
heard the commotion and called 911, but Strickson was pronounced dead
at the scene.