A POTENTIAL DARWIN AWARD


PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed  his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him like a dump truck full of mud.  "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under
all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that

happen sometimes-a billion-to-one shot, at least."

The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began April 23 when
the conscientious zookeeper noticed that his prize, 8,000-pound African
elephant didn't seem to be producing his usual poop aplenty.

"Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days because he knew
that severe constipation can kill an elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt
Herrman recalled.  "He told me he was going to stay late that Thursday
night to treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give him an enema.  I
offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had everything under
control."  But two hours later, horrified night watchman Walter Pleuger
found Friedrich lying lifeless under a mound of muck, his body visible
only from the knees down.   "I had never really thought about it
before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can
be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted
alone."