'One night my boyfriend and I came back to my flat from a party a bit tipsy.
As I walked in, I switched on the answering machine to hear if there were
any messages. At that point, he started kissing me, and we ended up having
noisy, wildly energetic sex on the floor right there in the entrance hall.
After work the next evening my mum came round for coffee. On my way to the
kitchen, I switched the answering machine on again and, as we settled down
with our mugs for a chat, the unmistakable and definitely X-rated sounds of
our lovemaking suddenly echoed loudly through the flat. I must have hit the
record button rather than the playback button the night before... My mother
prides herself on being broadminded, but this was just too much for her.She
slopped coffee all over herself.'
Maureen, manager, 25
'One Christmas, I went with my boyfriend to his parents' home for a few
days. They are quite open-minded and on our first morning his father brought
us tea in bed. This was embarrassing enough, but as he turned to walk out
the door, I noticed that he was standing on a condom we had recklessly
discarded on the carpet during the night. It was stuck, like a persistent
piece of Sellotape, to his slipper.
I was hysterical and we couldn't think of what to say to him. "Excuse me,
father, there's a condom stuck to your foot." (I think not.) Afterwards we
decided to act as if nothing had happened and so did he. But I wasn't able
to look him straight in the eye again for the rest of the holiday.
Jane, estate agent, 25
'On our first holiday together, we went to Mauritius where we had booked a
room in a lovely hotel. On our first night there, we had cocktails and then
went for a romantic stroll along the beach.
When we came back, we lay down on one of the chaise lounges next to the
pool. It seemed deserted and we started getting really steamy. I kept
looking around to check that there was absolutely no-one there and there
wasn't. So we slipped out of our clothes and slid into the pool to see if it
was possible to have sex under water. We were doing quite well with
our experiment when suddenly, out of nowhere, a member of the hotel staff
appeared and told us, very politely, that it was better to keep intimacy to
our bedroom.
The pool, he added, had an underwater window that made up one of the walls
of the hotel's disco, and we had been the floor show for all the guests
who were dancing until they had seen us. I was so humiliated that I made my
boyfriend check us out of the hotel first thing the next morning, and I
spent the rest of the holiday dreading the flight back in case anyone
recognised us.'
Elana, publisher, 32
