THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and hair do
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30 lbs
13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer
16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror
19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
22:00 Hot shower (alone)
22:30 Make love
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

06:00 Clock Alarm radio goes off, playing excellent tune
06:15 Blow job
06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section
07:00 Breakfast of filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport
08:15 Private G4 to Palm Springs
09:30 Limo to Golf Club
09:45 Front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch of 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Back nine (4 under)
12:15 Limo back to airport, enjoying a Bombay martini
12:30 Private G4 to Cabo (nap and blowjob on plane)
15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew
16:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs)
17:00 G4 back to Los Angeles, massage & hand job en route by naked
Kathy Ireland
18:45 Shit, shower and shave
19:00 Watch CNN newsflash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Vernon Jordan
farm animal video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret
tattoo)
19:30 Dinner of Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20
oz.Porterhouse steak
21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar
21:30 Sex with three women
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
23:45 Bed (alone)
23:50 A brilliant, 12 second, 4 note fart that drives the dog from the
room
23:55 Sleep