>
> The Story:
>
> One day a very rare Porcupine woke from a deep sleep, he was the last male
> of his species. As he woke he thought to himself, "I must ensure the
> continuance of my kind". But to his horror as he looked down, his "TOOL"
> had
> gone. Oh no! he thought I must go find it!!. He went off to make enquiries
> with the other animals. The first animal he came across was the giraffe
> ...........
>
> Porcupine: Hello there!, I hate to trouble you, but have you seen my
> "TOOL"?. Its just that I'm the last of my species, and if I can't find it
> my
> type will die out!!.
>
> Giraffe: Well I don't know what does it look like?.
>
> Porcupine: Well it's a lot smaller than yours is and it's got four points
> on
> it.
>
> Giraffe: Sorry I haven't seen it, why don't you go ask the elephant he can
> remember most things.
>
> Porcupine: Hello there!, I hate to trouble you, but have you seen my
> "TOOL"?. Its just that I'm the last of my species, and if I can't find it
> my
> type will die out!!.
>
> Elephant: Well I don't know what does it look like?.
>
> Porcupine: Well it's a lot smaller than yours is and it's got four points
> on
> it.
>
> Elephant: Sorry I haven't seen it, why don't you go ask the Lion he's the
> king of the jungle see if he knows.
>
> Porcupine: Hello there!, I hate to trouble you, but have you seen my
> "TOOL"?. Its just that I'm the last of my species, and if I can't find it
> my
> type will die out!!.
>
> Lion: Well I don't know what does it look like?.
>
> Porcupine: Well it's a lot smaller than yours is and it's got four points
> on
> it.
>
> Lion: Sorry I haven't seen it, why don't you go ask the Monkey, he plays
> all
> over the jungle he might of seen it.
>
> Porcupine: Hello there!, I hate to trouble you, but have you seen my
> "TOOL"?. Its just that I'm the last of my species, and if I can't find it
> my
> type will die out!!.
>
> Monkey: Well I don't know what does it look like?.
>
> Porcupine: Well it's a lot smaller than yours is and it's got four points
> on
> it.
>
> Monkey: Sorry I haven't seen it, why don't you go ask the Jaguar, he runs
> all around the jungle he might of seen it.
>
> Porcupine: Hello there!, I hate to trouble you, but have you seen my
> "TOOL"?. Its just that I'm the last of my species, and if I can't find it
> my
> type will die out!!.
>
> Jaguar: Well I don't know what does it look like?.
>
> Porcupine: Well it's a lot smaller than yours is and it's got four points
> on
> it.
>
> Jaguar: A lot smaller than mine, and it's got four points on it. Oh yes I
> found that earlier on.
>
> Porcupine: Oh good, where is it? .
>
> Jaguar: I've eaten it.
>
> Porcupine: Oh but why did you do such a terrible thing? .
>
> Jaguar: I had to, it's the way I'm made.
>
> Porcupine: That doesn't make sense, what do you mean "it's the way your
> made".
>
> Jaguar: Well it's because I am a ............FOUR POINT TOOL EATER JAGUAR.
>
>
>
>
> The Taxi Driver & the Nun.
>
> The Story: One day a taxi driver was hailed down by a Nun. As she was
> sitting in the back of his cab she noticed that he kept looking at her:
>
> Nun: Is there a problem, you appear to keep looking at me?.
>
> Taxi Driver: Oh, its nothing. You would be to shocked if I told you!.
>
> Nun: I have seen and done a lot of things my son, I doubt if your thoughts
> could shock me. Please tell me what is that is troubling you.
>
> Taxi Driver: Well I have always had a strange fantasy about Nuns. Of a
> sexual nature you understand.
>
> Nun: Well, please tell me about your fantasy.
>
> Taxi Driver: I have always fantasised about a Nun going down on me.
>
> Nun: I could only do that to a single, Catholic man who visits his
> father's
> house regularly.
>
> Taxi Driver: That's amazing I am all of those things!.
>
> Nun: Well, find somewhere to pull over and we'll see what we can do.
>
> So the Taxi driver found a quite lane and the Nun did her thing, than they
> carried along on their journey. But as they drove the Nun noticed the man
> was crying.
>
> Nun: What's the problem, why are you crying.
>
> Taxi Driver: It's guilt, I lied to you!. I'm Jewish, I have two Sons and I
> haven't been to the synagogue in years
>
> Nun: Oh don't worry about that, I lied too. I'm not really a Nun, my name
> is
> Steve and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party.
>
>
>
> Gone Missing.
>
> The Story:
>
> A little boy walks into the bathroom where his mum is in the bath. He
> looks
> down at her nether regions and says, "What's that Mummy? ". His mother
> slightly embarrassed replies "Oh that's my sponge don't worry about it".
>
> A few days later the boy again walks into the bathroom while his mother is
> in there. (In the mean time mummy has had a shave). The boy says, "where
> is
> your sponge mummy? ". To which his mother replies "Oh I lost it". The
> little
> boy goes outside to play.
>
> A few hours later the little boy runs in to his mother very excited and
> shouts "mummy, mummy I have found your sponge". The mother slightly
> confused
> says, " sponge, what do you mean you've found my sponge, where? ". The
> little boy replies "the lady next door is washing daddy's face with it".
>
>
> Alzheimer's or AIDS
>
> The Story:
>
> A man goes to the doctors worried about the behaviour of his wife.
>
> Man: Doctor I'm worried about my wife, she has been behaving very
> strangely
> lately. I think she has either got Alzheimer's or AIDS.
>
> DOCTOR: Oh that's easy to diagnose.
>
> MAN: What do I have to do? .
>
> DOCTOR: Take her out for a drive, and when you are about ten miles from
> home
> get her out of the car and leave her there.
>
> MAN: How will that help? .
>
> DOCTOR: Well if she finds her way home, don't shag her.
>
>
>
> Who were those two.
>
> The Story:
>
> In a local village there was a terrible car accident, and the driver was
> killed as the car exploded into a burning inferno. The local coroner had
> to
> get the body positively identified and so he called upon the man's best
> friends.
>
> Police surgeon to friend number one: "I would like you to positively
> identify what we believe is the body of your friend John Smith. I have to
> warn you his body is extremely burnt, and it won't be an easy job."
>
> The friend goes into the room and the surgeon pulls back the cover.
>
> Police surgeon to friend number one: " Is this the body of John Smith."
>
> Friend number one:" I can't tell he's too badly burnt. Tell you what turn
> him over. (The surgeon did) No that is definitely not John". (They both
> left
> the room).
>
> Police surgeon to friend number two: "I would like you to positively
> identify what we believe is the body of your friend John Smith. I have to
> warn you his body is extremely burnt, and it won't be an easy job."
>
> The friend goes into the room and the surgeon pulls back the cover.
>
> Police surgeon to friend number two: " Is this the body of John Smith."
>
> Friend number two:" I can't tell he's too badly burnt. Tell you what turn
> him over. (The surgeon did) No that is definitely not John".
>
> Police surgeon: I do hope you don't mind me asking, but both you and your
> friend have both asked me to turn him over before you have said that it is
> not him. Why? .
>
> Friend number two: That easy, when ever my friend and I were walking round
> the village with John you would here people say: " Here comes John with
> the
> two arseholes".
>
>
>
> Women.
>
> What's the similarity between women and hurricanes: They are both wet and
> noisy when they come and take the house when they leave.
>
> Why do women get married in white: So they match the other things you find
> in the kitchen.
>
> How do you paralyse a woman from the neck down: Marry her.
>
> Why do women have legs: You've seen the trail a snail leaves.
>
