This happened to this guy who lives in Reading, and he
has wanted to ask a certain girl out on a date, but has never had the
courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and
musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make
dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with
all of his mates, and drinks like a horse. Saturday, he is in such bad
shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either
throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is
able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every
20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he
won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Wokingham, and take the
train to Reading (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant,
and he excuses himself during the starters to use the bathroom. They
enjoy the rest of the starters without interruption, but he has to go
back again during the main meal.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another
rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so
he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still
has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas
fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately,
this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh crap,"
he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away,
our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from
sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest
of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a)
start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly
pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is
walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap store. "Do you mind
if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he
asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go
into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the
right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs
the first sweater within reach. After selecting a pair of trousers
that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to
the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the
store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He
doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just
in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) "Just the pants."
"What?" asks the Gap girl. "Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on
his date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants and walks over to
his date, then they leave the store.
They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two
seats in the middle of the carriage. Without sitting down, our hero
excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the carriage.
He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his
pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out
the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls
out...just the sweater